I am Arun Raj, I am sharing my 41 days meditation experience.
During Sun meditation, I felt a strong energy entering through the center of my forehead like something was pushing inside. In Moon meditation, that energy moves differently, it moves around inside my head, as if it’s clearing something. Many times my feet felt heavy, like gravity is pulling me down. Once, during Sun meditation, I saw a golden yellow flower. Its petals looked like flowing golden lava, moving inward. I kept looking and suddenly I was pulled inside it. After that, I don’t remember anything it was just like, everything stopped for a while.
This phase made me look at my past honestly..When I was a kid, 3rd or 4th standard, I did things I still feel ashamed of. I hit a bat, nailed its wings to a brick and threw it into the lake. I burned a millipede in a coconut shell with kerosene. I poured salt on a snail for no reason. Years later, I even boiled two small animals alive to eat. I never thought of their pain, I only thought of myself. During meditation, I didn’t see everything again but some flashes came and the pain what they have gone through… the fear, the helplessness I felt that inside. I cried… not to get forgiveness or anything like that, but because for the first time it really hit me what I had done and whatever pain I have gone through in my life it’s still nothing compared to what those beings must have felt. I understood that clearly. I accepted it with humility as my karma and asked forgiveness from the heart.
Changes in my life..
I feel a quiet strength. I am not running from anything anymore. I started accepting things as they are, I feel more stable inside, like my mind doesn’t shake easily anymore. Before, I was very emotionally weak. I always longed for love but now, I feel balanced. I am not attached to anything and not detached also. I can care for people, without losing myself anymore. Earlier, I used to get distracted by consensual videos or unnecessary thoughts, but now it’s different. SMS Meditation gave me the control to observe them and let them pass. I am not saying that I became holy because of these experiences. But now I am not a slave to those impulses anymore. I began to feel compassion toward all living beings. When I give food to the fish now, I remember how once I had the urge to eat them, now they come close without fear.. the birds, the cat and even the squirrels have become part of our family. They are not scared of us anymore, it feels like we are all living here as one family… not separate. That connection itself feels right, like this is how it should have been always.
I am not perfect. I know I have a long way to go but I will not stop.. Whatever peace I am feeling today is because of Guruji, Guruma, SMS Meditation and the Universe.. Please forgive me for everything I have done knowingly or unknowingly and bless me to walk in this path always.
